Motherhood

Last night, my heart weighed heavily. But it was just really me creating drama out of something that I should not take personally. My toddler, Faye, was frantic, mad and crying as she hit me  repeatedly after I refuse to give her what she wanted. I could have  shrugged everything off and took it lightly but maybe, maybe not last night. After she calmed down and as soon as I tucked her to bed, my heart ached.

Why is she hitting? I did not teach her that. I don’t want her to hit anybody. What was I doing wrong? I was so disappointed at myself. Am I giving her too much freedom that is why she acted that way? Why does she always have to get everything she wanted? Clearly last night, my failure at child discipline hit me right in the face.

Then morning came,

I know I was wrong  for being too hard on myself. I was not just too smart to realize that maybe half of the world’s toddlers do hit their moms at one point. And that they are not necessarily bad. And we are not necessarily failing. Clearly, last night I was a drama queen.

Then I thought about how I see the world sometimes,

How it seems that nowadays the world is  plagued with violence, bad intentions and deceit. How goodness seems to be non-existent anymore. How I, whenever I am watching the news, shake my head in disbelief at disheartening acts of killings , corruptions and violence towards women and kids.

Don’t we sometimes wonder, is the world getting any better? or is it heading for the worst? Then I thought that just like what happened to Faye and me last night, the world is not necessarily bad. The world is not aiming towards destruction because goodness is like a seed that is planted everywhere and all around. Goodness is still inside every human.

No, the world is not failing.

Whenever I see Faye, whenever I see little kids all around, I know in my heart that goodness will always triumph.

In every young minds we train, In every little person we shape and in every child we give birth to, there is a vision of a generation when goodness triumphs over the bad.

I know, because of the gazillion mothers/parents who are trying every moment to teach their kids what is good. The mothers who get disheartened whenever their kids manifest mischief. The mothers who try to do everything to enlighten their homes in the way they can. All mothers are trying to be mothers in their own ways, and I think because of that,  goodness is like a flower that will always bloom in its season.

The world is not necessarily failing. The bad arises but goodness always step in. We are not headed for the worst. Sickness, natural disasters and failures in this world exist so that kindness, hope and compassion will be put to work.

Therefore, I still believe in the goodness of the world.

See, this is what motherhood do to my brain sometimes.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mommies. You are enough. Sometimes it may seem that there is nothing we do right, but believe me, there is. There is.