The Very Thing That Changes Me

It has been three four months since my last blog post here and I honestly feel everything around here is new and unfamiliar.

Well, four months is only four months really , but to me, It feels somewhat like eternity, And I say eternity not because it was really a long time, but maybe because so much within has momentarily changed.

You know, in my 32 years of existence, there is this very thing that turns my life differently in a huge way. There this very thing that changes me, halts my life and messes with me completely. There is this only one thing so far that unmistakably makes me see life differently and makes me a different person in such a short period of time without notice.

The very thing that changes me is pregnancy.

It may seem weird or funny, that while I am carrying a life within me, you don’t sense joy nor excitement in my voice, and here I am lamenting over the fact that pregnancy is a time of wacky changes.

Well, in the past three times that I have been pregnant, I have seen pregnancy do this to me. In the first three or four  months, it takes away my enthusiasm, my energy and drive to do the things I used to love. Its involuntary and happens in a flash. One day I wake up, and I don’t even want to hear the word bake or cook. The hatred for baking is so huge that I swear I will not touch a single spatula forever.

So this blog has been a ghost town since I started my first trimester, and it was impossible for me to look at food photos or even talk about food, let alone write about it. Writing has become a chore. Actually, everything has become a chore for me. So I practically did nothing about this blog.

But the news is, I am here now. Slowly over the past weeks , my head was peeping from under the imaginary sheets that I have hidden in for the past months. Slowly, I am opening up again. I am now fixing my hair for work. I now shower everyday ( I know!). I can eat normally and work more efficiently. I am more positive towards myself and others.  I can now cook, and look at food photos again.

Looking back, I have so much to be grateful for during those funny times. I am especially thankful for my husband’s support and patience . For him doing the groceries, making breakfasts, bathing Faye and so on.

I am extremely lucky for my mother in law’s timely vacation to spend time with us. She practically did all the cooking , laundry and cleaning ( and still does) around here. She never got tired of cooking those two same dishes  for me, week by week by week…Okoy and Binagoongan. Those two dishes are my stomach’s best friend!

I am thankful for my parents, and my whole family for the extra care and concern they always send my way. Every gesture is just priceless.

And my daughter Faye..she was the one who helped me stay grounded. She made those episodes of vomiting in the toilet lighter . Sometimes when I just want to sulk in bed and stay under the sheets, she was there urging me to talk and eventually making me laugh.

Pregnancy. Its a crazy , funny  and emotional ride.  But it sure does enable me to know more about myself. It made me realize that I need others help from time to time, that I am surrounded by love all around, and that I can bounce back to wellness again and again and again after each trying period, and that Life is exactly that–falling and bouncing back.

Lastly , what I know for sure is, amidst all the vomiting and weakness, there is joy within me. Even though my mind and my emotions were all out of whack because of my crazy hormones, there is this unmistakable happiness inside.

I am growing a life. We are having another baby. It just makes every pregnancy sickness and discomfort immaterial.

I’d sure go over every vomiting episode again, every discomfort. For that little life , for that little growing life inside of me, I’d take every pregnancy discomfort ever written, in a heartbeat. Because having Faye was the greatest thing ever, and having this little one soon is equally precious.

So I hope ( fingers crossed) I can now write in this blog more often , if not regularly. I look forward to connecting with all of my readers and friends, to share and be inspired again.

See you around!

 

 

 

 

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