I wish I could dress her up every night in her pajamas, tuck her in bed and watch Dora forever, but she just never stop growing up.
And now she is two.
Last Monday night, she fell asleep without being nursed for the first time in two years. Having breastfed her forever like I’m a human pacifier , I felt a little liberty and freedom, But I somehow felt a tug of pain as I realized this could be it- this could be the end of our breastfeeding journey.
A few people have been urging me to initiate weaning , But I just cant. No matter how inconvenient breastfeeding a toddler is, I just cant force her to stop breastfeeding.
So I say, I’d wait. I’d wait until she decides for herself that she is ready to stop. I am pretty convinced that its gonna take forever before she starts to wean on her own because she loooves breastfeeding so much. It has been a guaranteed source of her comfort and joy. Anytime I sit down in the couch or lie in bed, she is sure to follow and ask to breastfeed. Yes, it can be pretty tiring , and at times, really frustrating. But no matter what, it is such a beautiful connection. It feels good holding her close to me and savoring the moment when I am able to comfort her and make her feel better.
But this week , she is nursing significantly less than usual and for three nights in a row, she went to sleep with her bottle and not with mommy’s breast.
So that’s it. Another way of my daughter’s demonstration of her liberty. Her slowly stepping away from babyhood. It is a natural occurrence that we mothers expect to happen , but somehow its also something we dread, because we like to hold them close.. like..forever. Right?
But of course, of course. We always say that we aren’t going down without a fight; that we will hold them as babies for as long as we can. But the truth is, we are most happy to see them soar. Our ultimate goal is to see them live their lives in the most dignified manner; Our dream is to see them reach their potential, even if that means they have to fly away, from us.
I have never stop letting her go. Since the day she was born. During her first steps. During the first time she ran around the park. During the first time she walked away to make a new friend.
I am always happy to see her soar.
That’s my job. That’s my job.
Happy Second Birthday Baby. I love you so much!