My daughter just turned 20 months old. Still too little, still too young, but she has already grown in a lot of ways. From her soft coos and aahhs during the first time I held her against my chest, now with all her delightful shrieks and laughter, Our little girl has made us witnesses to the magical growth of a precious being.
She has started to reveal more and more of herself. She does not take after me or her dad, Instead she has her own set of traits that are neither mine or my husband’s. She is totally another person. Her own self. It is amazing how one , who was once helpless and almost looked like she does not have a care in the world , now expresses her own desires in her own little ways.
She now protests and agrees. She can now disappoint us with her own little mischief. But still, Naturally, there is nothing about her that we don’t love.
Lately, she is showing lots of independence and need for freedom. At night during bedtime, she stands up from her place in the bed and will head towards the door, asking me to open it for her. She will drag me and will let out a sound of pleading while pointing at the door, then she tries turning the knob. She wants to go out and play at bedtime. I usually don’t give in. But mind you, its so hard not to give in, especially when she is crying and begging. But I have to be firm so I can give her a grasp of what discipline is. So even though my heart is breaking, and despite her efforts to make me yield, I will put her back to bed and reassure her that there will be lots of playtime tomorrow. I guess in this case, doing something when my heart really wants to do the opposite, that is me doing a little growing up too.
Motherhood made me grow in a lot of ways. To put one’s need in front of my own, to endure countless sleepless nights, to do five tasks all at once, to be mindful of all the things I say and do because I know my little girl picks up on everything are just some of the things I have learned to master over the time of my being a mom. I guess its hard to put into words how great this love is. That of a parent’s to a child, is perhaps the most unconditional love next to God’s.
When I look at my daughter while she is asleep I am thinking to myself, What is it that I cannot give? What is it that I cannot do? I can give everything I have to see her prosper, I can do everything in my full strength to protect her and make her happy. Everything my love, everything to make you the best you can be.
What I cannot do is to not let you go when the times comes that you have to become the person you are intended to be.
What I cannot do is to keep you from your dreams.
What I cannot do is to stop you from exploring the world.
What I cannot do is to shield you from all pain once you go out and start to explore life.
Oh soon, my little girl, you will be smarter than I ever was. You will set foot to see your dreams.
But no matter what you do,
To stop caring for you–even from a distance , that is something I cannot do.
Now, why do I sound like my daughter is turning 18? She is just 20 months old for goodness sake! Just another one of my cheesy moments. Just another one of them.