Hello! I really don’t know how to begin writing again. I feel like a ghost in my own space, suddenly saying hello after weeks of silence.
Haaaay, let me begin.
For weeks, I have not been writing or baking. I was , once again, bitten by the laziness bug that comes along whenever I am pregnant.
Yes. I was pregnant.
For weeks, I had with me, a precious life inside. It goes practically wherever I went, and it was with me with my every breath and every heart beat.
For weeks, I had extra company, along with bouts of nausea and food aversions, I nurtured my precious one in my womb. But It was such a short time. And if there is anything I can hold on to now that is gone, It is the thought that it was real, it was with me, I was its mother for ten short weeks.
God knows I have already smelled and felt that baby in my arms. God knows how much I loved for that pregnancy to go on. But like with everything in this life, so much is out of our hands. And during the rough times, the best we can do is trust.
I don’t know if healing has started. Or if I already had grieved after all. With this being my second miscarriage, I am surprised by the strength that comes from within. Yes, I wept in my husband arms. Yes, I buried my face in my palms . Yes, I cried and seek comfort, and there was a time that the closest I can cling to was my scarf. But still, God has implanted a strength within me.
He has implanted me the desire to have my body again, to care for it and nurture it.
He has implanted me the enthusiasm to follow my passions once again, to create and to write.
He makes me realize how lucky I am, and I am blessed with my little daughter, who makes me happy every day. With God, I am never left empty handed, and better things are on the way.
Tomorrow, things can only get better. Slowly each day, I will be making my way back to my baking, to my writing, and to my life.
I am so blessed with my daughter, my husband, my family, and my friends,
and I am blessed with two angels in heaven.
When horrible things happen, it’s either they destroy us or they make us hold on to the Father and glorify Him even more. I can imagine the pain you’ve gone through, but I want you to know that your strength (that inner strength you’re talking about) shines through in this post. 🙂 God bless your walk with Him and I pray that He will continue to reveal Himself to you (and his great plans which is surely beyond anything you can imagine or dream of!). 🙂
sanna velasco says
Thanks for being here Riz! Your message is uplifting and inspiring. Thank you!
Aileen A says
So sorry about this, Sanna. I’ve never had children of my own and yet I feel for you. I feel your pain. I was saddened, but also inspired by your strength. We will never really know the reasons but yes, trusting Him is all we could do. Stay strong. God bless your whole family.
sanna velasco says
Thank you for your encouragement Aileen. It is very much needed and appreciated.