Hashtag mommy woes.
Sorry for the lack of a better title. I just feel this post could have been tweeted or instagrammed instead because it is just me with my blabbers, only that 140 characters wont fit.
Last night in bed, my daughter and I were spontaneously locked in each others arms. Its about one week before she goes to daycare center for the first time. I was so anxious and worried, and she had no clue.
The hug felt like it was all I needed. We just laid there naturally, her little hands fondling the back of my neck.I wished for the moment, literally, to never end. I just wished I didn’t have to leave her to another new place. I was thinking she is too young to go to the daycare. And I wished that the moment of our hug could just stay on for longer, for days and years on end. So I did not have to leave her, or to let her go.
She looked so content and happy; So assured inside my arms while my mind was racing with so many thoughts. Will she be okay? Will she look for me? Will she seek comfort being in a new place? What if they cant understand her words? Will she nap? Will she eat? I know .. I am worrying way too much! I get disapproving remarks from Adrian from all my blabbers and worries. I know He is right when he says its gonna be ok.
When I look at my daughter, I know I am being unfair for undermining her capabilities. Maybe because she is my baby, I tend to overlook how independent she is. At such a young age, she has shown unusual social skills. She loves to be around people. She loves exploration, she is rarely shy. She can play independently for hours. Those things give me the strength and assurance to finally accept this daycare thing. I still can remember my pain when I had to leave her at home so I can go back to work. I feel it again now, Yet , I realize that My daughter has shown for the past two years that when this day come, she will be okay.
I never thought I will resort to daycare, not that I am against it or something. I have full trust in well trained staff and educators, Its just that I cant help but worry! I look up to all the mothers who had gone through this. Because I know we all want to be with them EVERY step of the way. We want to be the one to guide them in all their firsts. And we want to be with them in these early years.. Because it such a short , short period.. But then when the thing called WORK gets in the way, somehow we give up that ideal situation. But we never stop wishing and even trying to make that ideal possible.
Like everything, I know this is just a phase. I don’t know how the first day in daycare will go for my daughter, maybe she will like it or maybe she wont. For me, it is sure to be emotional. But hopefully after that first day, things will be easier.
These mommy woes.. I have excitement, joy , fear, worry and anxiety going on inside me at the same time!
In the back of my mind, I know my baby will have fun mingling with other kids. She will love all the reading, role play and singing. She will be awed by the day care field trips. She will grow and learn.
She will be okay.
So mommy should stop worrying. Or at least lessen it.
8171Sparkey . says
Your writing is always interesting and comes deep from the heart. I wish i could write as well as you do. You are a very caring and loving mom … very Filipina.
I have always wanted to ask you two things: (1) What school did you go to in the Philippines. (2) What camera did you use for your food photos – they look very professional. Just to set the record straight, i’m not stalking you – I am probably much older than your father… i am a retired Electrical engineer residing in California —same career as your husband. My hobby is reading and learning how to write, not to be published, just for email and general correspondence. Thank you for doing an amazing blog and I wish you continued success. I have no doubt your daughter will inherit all the good traits that you impart on her, just like your mom to you.
sanna velasco says
Thank you for your kind words, sir. I take honor that you appreciate my work. I use a compact olympus camera for my photos. I graduated from PLM. Thanks!